Plan for today:
1. Feed the cat. (Remember, it doesn’t like you, but that’s no reason to give it potato salad.)
2. Get a bunch of books from the library. You deserve it.
3. Survive the end of the world. (or paint your toenails – optional)
4. Write Christmas cards. (Also, buy Xmas cards!)
Sadly, that truly is the unimpressive life I lead. Actually, the most exciting thing about today was writing that list. (Admit it, you like writing them too! It’s such fun.) I was aiming to combine the ontological with the commonplace (I’ve had worse ideas). The only flaw in otherwise perfect list was that I completely forgot the world was supposed to end today, even though I distinctly remember writing it in my planner. I then lost, sorry, “permanently misplaced” the planner.
Photo Credit: http://www.istockphoto.com/DNY59
Putting my infectious obliviousness aside, let’s take a moment and consider the amazing collective feat we pulled off today. We managed to survive the end of the world. In your face Superman. This means we’re phenomenal. I mean how often do people predict that the world will end? So far, only once a year. I don’t read my horoscope, so possibly, the average number may be higher. (Please, excuse my ignorance in that area.)
I have a confession to make. I’m the worst fake believer in Divination (I outdo even Hermione). To tell you the truth, the impending doom was about as high on my priority list as was choosing the right colour of toilet paper in the store (in the end, I went with light orange. I find it more authentic than other colours. Plus, it’s bowel-movement-friendly.) In fact, I will go as far as saying I didn’t believe the world will end at all (I have some nerve, right?). Let he who was scepticism-free (a.k.a ridiculously gullible) cast the first stone. – Hmm, just as I thought.
Besides the lack of credulity when it comes to ancient prophecies, I simply decided that this Friday it would not at all suit me to die. First of all, I made plans to see The Hobbit during the weekend (an event I have been impatiently waiting for the last 4 years) and I won’t let a little thing like “total destruction” come in the way of me and Peter Jackson. Second of all, I still haven’t finished Catch-22 and I must know whether Nately’s whore succeeds in killing Yossarian or not (not knowing is the worst). Clearly, all of these are life-and-death issues, therefore, I’m postponing the end of the world till 3000 and something (I feel we have one millennium in us yet) or till it feels more convenient. Whichever comes first.
Photo Source: http://www.mirror.co.uk/news/world-news/mayan-apocalypse-end-of-the-13th-baktun-1500092 (from getty images)
I have the biggest respect for the Maya peoples (I dote on their fashion choices), but it will take some scientific mumbo-jumbo to make this girl even slightly suspicious about imminent annihilation. Actually, if you take the word of a disc-jockey on a low-budget radio station (and I, for one, do), it would seem the Mayas themselves saw today as the beginning of a new era rather than THE Apocalypse. Therefore, what was all the fuss about? Personally, I have no sympathy for those who were building bunkers (like that’s going to save you) and buying books (really, people?) about how to prepare for the end. I’m not afraid to say, I’m judging every one of them.
For heaven’s sake (how do you like my apocalyptic lingo?), life is not a Cormac McCarthy novel. Not yet, anyway. There is still some “road” to travel. In any case, I have a plan. When the real thing comes, I’m going to be prepared. I intend to read Jane Austen’s books (that includes her private correspondence) and eat cake for a week. Pretty good, eh? My only worry is that my favourite patisserie will run out of cake. That would really put a spanner in the works. – We’ll cross that bridge when we come to it. Also, as famous landmarks across the world will be getting destroyed, specifically the Eiffel Tower and the Statue of Liberty, I will sit in my rocking chair listening to the ultimate Disaster song – The Ride of the Valkyries. Epic moments deserve epic treatment.
It would be pointless to end this post on a positive note, so I’m ending it on a poetic one. I’m wondering, as did the great Robert Frost, whether the world will end in fire or in ice. The heat of passion & the coldness of hate? Both are lethal. Eventually, we will all have to come to terms with our own mortality. I just prefer facing The Solitary Reaper head on.
Photo Source: http://lotr.wikia.com/wiki/Nazg%C3%BBl
… The woods are lovely, dark and deep.
But I have promises to keep,
And miles to go before I sleep …”
Robert Frost, Stopping by Woods on a Snowy Evening)