Did you know that one cup of tea can bring about a revolution? Until quite recently neither did I. It all started with me getting terribly sick one day and being consigned to bed-rest for the rest of the week. I would like to think that such unpleasantness can happen to anyone, but I know better. The bipolar goddess Fortuna (that’s right, she doesn’t just deal in good luck) decided that some people (I mean myself, clearly) should be taught the value of good health in greater measure than the rest. Splendid, as long as you’re not the unfortunate candidate sacrificed for the greater good. That is not my idea of a team player. Anyway, after producing prodigious amounts of muck and drinking a month’s supply of herbal tea, I decided it was time for decisive action. Also, the unplanned vitamin-C overdose coincided with the happy hour on the world’s most exasperating radio station and forced me to quit the devilish circle of bed-ridden routine. To celebrate this auspicious event properly and with style, I even underwent a wardrobe-change. I have left my topaz green pajama pants and stretched T-shirt top for a fashion ensemble of a tracksuit and slippers. I know what you’re thinking – does she have an equally exquisite taste in socks? I guess I should be honest and tell you that the business of matching hosiery to my everyday wear has been a mission impossible ever since I can remember. I’m sure we all have stuff we don’t talk about. Case closed.
Where was I? Oh yes, I was discussing the influence of hot beverages on one’s mental health. Don’t explore it willingly, I implore you, because without even realizing it, you will come to the point of having one cup of tea too many. I don’t write these words lightly. Save yourself while you can and try at least a three-hour abstinence period before a renewal of your dosage. To be clear, these words of caution should only apply to non-British people. Brits can go on a tea-binge without extensively changing the ratio of biofluids in their body.
Despite the absence of causal relationship between the merits of leaves’ infusions and my eulogized illness, I will nonetheless vouch for not being entirely off-topic. You see, after I accomplished the extraordinary feat of getting out of bed (do I hear an applause?), I proceeded with party preparations. I was considering putting up a banner, but I didn’t want to look silly. (Throwing oneself a party already draws more than a sufficient share of questioning and judgmental looks from the close community as it is.) Ordinarily, I wouldn’t even describe myself as a pro-party person, however, due to the lack of excitement in my life at the moment, I would be willing to throw a party for the inauguration of a garbage disposal.
Anyway, to make a short story longer, as I was fully dressed and ready to take on the world, I saw a steaming cup of tea standing there on the counter, calling to me. Ah, you would have to be there … Since my capacity for self-control is about as extensive as my short-lived admiration for Britney Spears (I was 10 at the time, don’t judge me), one doesn’t have to be Stephen Hawking to realize where this is going. I finished the pot in less than an hour (and I was holding myself back) and started with my daily daydreaming activity (at this point things started to feel a bit hazy). In the manner habitual to me, I started imagining the ifs and hows of a hostile takeover of Teekanne by an anti-environmentalist group intent on brain-washing the ardent supporters of sustainable development. Their evil master plan would be to add a powerful hypnotising drug to all tea mixtures and export them to all European countries. The whole Europe would forget about global warming and pollution and start a campaign for maximum exploitation of natural resources. This would be met with protests in America, Australia and China. You see, USA’s addiction to coffee and Australia’s penchant for beer would make them impervious to massive manipulation by the tea industry, while China’s strict import policies and distrust of European products should discourage any smuggling to Asia. These three would then go on to form a power block. The United States troops would march into India and take over their tea plantations. With Uncle Sam controlling the world’s main tea estates, Europe would eventually run out of tea. The latter event would cause protests in all European capitals and major cities. Eventually this would lead to a revolution. Finally, in order to achieve world peace, the American nation would have to produce another Luke Skywalker and then we would all be saved. It is as simple as that.
Didn’t I say that the drinking of tea can lead to drastic political change? Well, as my caffeine rush is wearing off, I leave you to ponder my daydreaming legacy. Powerful stuff, I tell you.
A word of advice. Go easy on aromatic beverages. Don’t say I didn’t warn you.
p.s: Next week’s challenge: how can coffee be used to end economic crisis in Europe.